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T. S. DENISON & COMPANY. 154 W. Randolph St.. Chicago 



THE POLITICAL EDITOR 

A COMEDY OF NEWSPAPER AND 
POLITICAL LIFE 



BY 



CHARLEwS ULRICH 

AUTHOR OF 

The Altar of Riches , " ''A Daughter of the Desert, " " The Desert 

er,'' " The Editor-in-Chief, " " The High School Freshman, ' ' 

' ' The Honor of a Cowboy, " " The Hebrew, ' ' ' '/« Plum 

Valley , " " The Man from Nevada ,'' ''Onthe Little 

Big Horn ,' " The Road Agent, " " The 

Town Marshal, ' ' and ' ' The 

Tramp and the Actress . ' ' 



v^ 



J 

.A 

CHICAGO 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 
Publishers 



THE POLITICAL EDITOR 

CHARACTERS. 

Bob Hastings A News Reporter 

Cliff Lee A Legislative Correspondent 

Jerry Sampson A Legislator front Jacksontown 

Nellie Mortimer A Newspaper Woman in Politics 

The action of the play takes place in a legislative com- 
mittee room at the State capitol during a senatorial deadlock. 



Place — Nezv York. 

Time — Present. 

Time of Playing — Thirty Minutes. 



Notice. — Production of this play is free to amateurs, but 
the sole professioiial rights ar£ reserved by the Publishers. 



copyright, 1912, BY eben h. NORRiS. 



©CI.D 30197 



THE POLITICAL EDITOR 3 

STORY. 

Previous to the opening of play, Nellie Mortimer and 
Bob Hastings had loved each other in a small town in Iowa, 
Hastings was a lawyer and Nellie a yotuig society woman 
who became a society reporter. Hastings objected to this 
pursuit and Nellie, proud and high-spirited, broke their 
engagement and went to New York to engage in journal- 
ism. Hastings gave up his law practice later and engaged 
in journalism, later going to New York, where he in pique 
married and became the father of two boys, his "kiddies," 
as he affectionately called them. 

Sent to the State capitol to report the proceedings in 
connection with a senatorial deadlock, Hastings is doing 
his utmost to score a journalistic beat by first getting the 
result of the caucus of legislators. Meanwhile Nellie, em- 
ployed as a political editor, goes to the capitol on the same 
mission and succeeds in first obtaining the exclusive news 
of a compact of the Asemblymen by which the Senator is 
named. She is about to w^ire her scoop to her newspaper 
when she meets Hastings in the committee chamber. Her 
hope of w^inning back Hastings' love vanishes when she 
answers the telephone and learns that Hastings is married 
and the father of two "kiddies." 

In the interview that follows it develops that Hastings' 
future depends upon his success in scoring a scoop on his 
fellow journalists, and to further that end, and for the sake 
of the kiddies, Nellie gives Hastings her notes, thus pro- 
viding him with the exclusive account of the breaking of 
the deadlock. Cliff Lee, a reporter who had fallen in love 
with Nellie, and to whom she promised that when she v^as 
ready to marry him she would dine with him, arrives at 
this juncture, and she announces her readiness to dine with 
him. He then realizes that she will become his wife and 
the curtain falls with Hastings examining his exclusive 
story and Nellie and Lee starting oi¥ for their dinner and 
the marriage license office. 



4 THE POLITICAL EDITOR 

CHARACTERS AND COSTUMES. 

Nellie — A young, handsome woman, slangy at times, but 
good-hearted and winsome. Must be capable of showing 
strong emotion and mix it with comedy of the refined kind. 
She wears a street dress throughout action. 

Hastings — A young man of twenty-eight, strong and 
natty. He wears ordinary street suit during action. 

Lee — A man of twenty-three, dashing and breezy. He 
wears a street suit, dressy but subdued. 

Jerry — A middle-aged man, gray, and addicted to liquor. 
Should be played quietly to be effective. Wears rather loud 
suit to distinguish him from others and shows flashy jew- 
elry. 

PROPERTIES. 

Two tables. Two chairs. Practical telephone. Lot of 
books and newspapers together with copy paper, writing 
pads, etc., for tables. Traveling bag for Nellie. Cigarettes 
for Lee. Sheets of paper covered with notes for Nellie. 
Lead pencils for Hastings. 

STAGE SETTING. 



Door 



Telephone 

Chair Chair 

D D 

Table Table | | 




STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

R. means right of stage; C, center; R. C, right center; 
L., left; R. D., right door; L. D., left door, etc.; 1 E., first 
entrance ; U. E., upper entrance, etc. ; D. F., door in flat, or 
scene running across the back of the stage; 1 G., first 
groove, etc. The actor is supposed to be facing the audience. 



THE POLITICAL EDITOR 



Scene: Committee room at the State capitol, in 3, boxed. 
Small Hat-top tables covered with writing material, books, 
newspapers, etc., R. C. and at L. C. A chair at each table 
facing audience. Practical doors C. in F. and at L. U. E. A 
practical telephone hangs to L. of C. in F. Floor carpeted' 
and pieces of paper are scattered about. Pictures on wall 
here and there. See Scene Plot for stage setting. 

At rise enter Lee and Hastings^ C. in F. A boy is heard 
off R. U. E., shouting "Extra!" He continues the cry at 
intervals until after Lee and Hastings begin their dialogue. 

Lee {to Hastings as they come down C). This senato- 
rial deadlock is getting on my nerves, Hastings. {Sits at 
table, L. C.) I wish they would get down to business and 
elect somebody, so my managing editor would quit yawp- 
ing at me by wire or telephone every fifteen minutes de- 
manding to know the result. {Works rapidly at table.) 

Hastings {sitting at table, R. C). It is very annoying, 
Lee. I wonder how much longer the fight is going to last. 
Something decisive ought to come off tonight. {Works.) 

Lee {as he lights a cigarette). I hope so. The Norman 
forces are pretty well lined up, and as he is backed by the 
President, the Republican bunch stands firm as Gibraltar. 

Hastings. They always do until the break comes. 

Lee. The Democrats, managed by trust agents, oppose 
Norman bitterly because he nipped the tallow trust last 
summer, and they want to elect Chesterson to even up scores 
with Norman. It's a bully fight, all the same. {Smokes 
rapidly. ) 

Hastings {sighingly). It would be a feather in any re- 
porter's cap to get a beat on the result. I'd give a year of 
my life to score a scoop tonight. What a fine thing it would 
be for my wife and the two kiddies, bless their little hearts ! 

Lee {laughingly). I suppose so, Hastings. Some of us 
would cut each other's throats to pull off a beat on the sena- 

5 



6 THE POLITICAL EDITOR 

torial election. (Rises, goes to Hastings at table, R. C, 
and slaps him on the back jovially.) For the sake of those 
kiddies, old chap, I could almost wish you might beat all 
of us, even me. 

Hastings {as he works). Thanks, Lee. 

Lee. It would mean a substantial increase in your sal- 
ary, eh? 

Hastings. Yes, of course. The Lord knows my salary 
is quite insufficient for our needs just now. I often think 
of giving up the newspaper game in disgust, but I'm a moral 
coward and stick like glue. 

Lee (laughingly). The habit is hard to shake off, my 
boy. (After a pause.) By the way, you're from Iowa, 
aren't you? 

Hastings (surprised). Yes. Why do you ask? 

Lee (abashed). Oh, it's nothing particular, I assure you. 
I merely heard the boys say there was — was a love affair — 

Hastings (interrupts indignantly, as he rises). I wish 
the boys wouldn't discuss my private affairs. Well, it was 
a love affair, but it was my own and concerned nobody. 

Lee. True, Hastings; but we're friends, and you may 
trust me as far as you like. Tell me of this little affair of 
yours. Confession is good for the soul, you know. 

Hastings (dreamily as he resumes his seat at table). It 
was nothing out of the common. I merely loved a girl — 
the most charming woman I ever knew — 

Lee (interrupting laughingly). Barring Mrs. Hastings. 

Hastings. Of course, Lee. But when I first knew the 
other one, I deemed her to be one in a million. 

Lee. Sure thing. They always are, until one wakes up. 

Hastings. She was all right, this girl. But one day she 
got to writing society items for our town paper and then 
she changed completely. I sought, begged, pleaded with her 
to quit the work, and the upshot of it was that we quarreled. 
I don't approve of women engaging in the newspaper game, 
and I objected strenuously when my fiancee insisted upon 
being a reporter. 

Lee. It's a bad habit for engaged girls to acquire, that's 
a cinch. 



THE POLITICAL EDITOR 7 

. Hastings. I was doing well in my law practice and 
deemed myself fully able to support my wife without her 
help. But my sweetheart was a spirited creature and she 
resented bitterly what she called my usurpation of her privi- 
leges. 

Lee. Good heaven ! She must have been a suffragette ! 

Hastings. Not just that, Lee. Well, we quarreled, our 
engagement was broken and soon thereafter she went to 
the East. 

Lee. And you, Hastings? 

Hastings (sighingiy). I married a sweet W4sp of a girl 
a year or so later, and then came east with my bride. My 
law practice did not pan out very well, so I drifted back 
into the newspaper game, and here I am. 

Lee. What became of No. ,1 — the girl with a mind of her 
own? 

Hastings. Fm sure I don't know. I once heard she was 
working on a big New York newspaper, but I made no in- 
quiries, for I was married, and — and — our old love was 
dead. 

Lee. I wouldn't be so sure of that, old man. 

Hastings. I wonder if she remembers the old days 
which I, somehow, cannot efface from my memory. Will 
she ever forgive the foolish prejudice that separated us? 
(After a pause, then in a livelier mood.) By the way, Lee, 
I'm told the Record has sent its political editor, a woman, 
up here to beat us at our own game. 

Lee. And she'll do it, too, if we don't watch out sharp. 
She's the goods, all right. 

Hastings (surprised). Do you know her? 

Lee (lighting cigarette). Sure thing, Hastings. She's as 
fine a woman reporter as you will meet anywhere. She's 
sharp as a razor, and she has a tongue that — well, mind, you 
don't run foul of it, unless you care fo reap a whirlwind. 

Hastings. She must be very interesting. 

Lee (enthusiastically). She's divine! So different from 
most worrien, you know. A little plain spoken,, perhaps, but 
she has a heart of gold, eighteen karat fine ! 



8 THE POLITICAL EDITOR 

Hastings (smilingly). I see she has a warm admirer m 
you, my boy. 

Lee (despondently). I wish she would recognize it as 
you do, Hastings. I've tried to convince her fifty times 
that our paths run in parallel grooves, but she wants them 
to run at right angles. I have asked her time and again to 
dine with me, but she puts me off every time with the state- 
ment that she will dine in public only with the man she in- 
tends to marry. 

Hastings (rising laughingly and assorting papers on his 
desk). That's too bad, my boy. Persevere and you may 
win. Women are created to be won by man. It depends 
upon the man himself if he is to win the prize she withholds 
from him. 

Lee (sighs). Some day she'll, say to me, "Jimmy Lee, 
we'll dine together." When she does I'll be the happiest 
man in the world. 

Nellie (offstage). Fade away, you with the tin star! 

Lee (excitedly, turning up C). There she comes now! 

Hastings (turning to L. U. E.). I'm off to the caucus, 
Lee. 

Lee (going to C. D. in F.). Hope you'll get that beat 
you're looking for, Hastings. 

Hastings (crossing to C. and taking Lee's arm). I want 
you to help me. Come along. (He drags Lee to R. U.E.) 

Lee (protesting). But I've got other business on hand 
just now. I want to get up my bulldog telegram — 

Hastings (as he drags Lee R.). That will wait awhile, 
my boy. 

Nellie (offstage, C). No, I'm not a suffragette, you 
monkey ! 

Hastings (dragging Lee to L. U. E.). Come, we'll talk 
it over together outside. (Exeunt with Lee, L. U. E.) 

Enter Nellie, C. D. in F. She carries a traveling bag 
and stands at entrance looking off for an instant, then comes 
down C, looking about. 

Nellie (at C). I should have told that fellow out there 
to back up and hang a red lantern in front of his face. The 
idea that one of these up-state yaps should do a' dog 



THE POLITICAL EDITOR 9 

barking act to scare an honest working girlie like me 
with a New York police card, off the job. Nothing doing. 
(She walks up to table, R. C.) So this is a press and com- 
mittee room combined, eh. (Picks up book and looks at it.) 
Looks more like a library. Huh! Not a good novel in the 
bunch — all acts of this and that legislature. It might be 
the record of a theatrical exchange, the acts are so numer- 
ous. Well, me to the work and the busy little ant stunt to 
get my Monday washing out on the line. (Opens her trav- 
eling bag and explores its contents.) If it wasn't for that 
physical culture course I took by mail last fall, I should feel 
rather weak here among- this bunch of politicians, trying to 
wring a lot of near-to-the-heart-throb stuff out of their 
systems. (She pauses in deep thought.) Let me see. I 
think I'd better connect with Cliff Lee, one of the breeziest 
reporters I know, and get him to lend me a helping hand. 
(Rises, goes to telephone and looks througJi a telephone di- 
rectory, L. C.) Guess Cliff w^on't be surprised when he 
learns the city editor got a bug that I could do some cute 
stunts up here. (Laughingly, as she strikes a heroic atti- 
tude.) How are these for headlines: "Political Sidelights 
at the Capitol by Polly West, the Clever Girl Reporter." 
Huh ! That ought to loom up like a house afire at the top of 
the page over a lot of society drivel and divorce gossip. 
And I, poor little I, will have to endure that love gush of 
the original Cupid — Cliff Lee — to get him to unbuckle and 
come across with the goods. (Starts to take off the receiver, 
then pauses.) Sometimes I feel like I'm taking money by 
false pretences for the bunk I put over on my unsuspecting 
city editor. Well, w^hat's the use preaching your own fu- 
neral. As long as I get away with it, there's no use calling 
in someone to audit my mental books. (Takes off receiver.) 
Hello! Is this a house 'phone? Can you get me a wire into 
the den where the newspaper bunch hang out? Yes, the 
newspaper guys. 

Enter Lee, R. U. E., noisily. He comes C. and seeing 
Nellie at telephone, stands and watches her. 

Nellie (looking at Lee sidetuays). Yes, a newspaper 



10 THE POLITICAL EDITOR 

rummie who comes in upon you like a cyclone after a 
league pennant. (Hangs up receiver.) 

Lee {advancing toward Nellie). I'm glad you're here. 
Nellie. {Taking her hand.) You're sure you're here? 

Nellie {laughingly.) No, I'm in Kokomo, Indiana, 
brushing dust off the dumbbells in a deaf and dumb asylum. 

Lee. But you are not up here for keeps, are you? 

Nellie. Sure. I'm here for the Record, and being the 
political editor, I'm going to be up to my neck in politics 
from now on. 

Lee {delighted). Well, that's the best noise I've heard 
since the deadlock started. I'm simply tickled to death, 
girlie. 

Nellie {sitting at table, L. C). Ditto, Cliff Lee. But I 
warn you fellows that you've got to step lively to keep up 
with the pace I intend to set around here. 

Lee {sitting on end of table to L. of Nellie). You can't 
go it too strong for me, Nellie. 

Nellie. I'm here to work and not to sit smoking cigar- 
ettes, drinking booze from the tin flasks of these State sena- 
tors from the prohibition counties, and telling lies of how 
I put over this, that and the other story on the bunch when 
Prince Henry was in New York. Do you get me, Cliff? 

Lee {laughingly, as he lights a cigarette). Fine! Sounds 
just like the stuff Kelly used to ooze out to the city editor 
at the last annual banquet of the staff when he was soused 
to the eyeballs. 

Nellie {slow and significantly). But this is edited copy 
I am slipping you. Cliff ; cold facts ready to go to the forms. 

Lee {impatiently). Nix on that junk, Nellie! {Jumps 
from table and leans over her.) Come in and meet the 
bunch where we tell each other our real names and split the 
day's harvest. 

Nellie. Well, that sounds good. I might as well ac- 
knowledge the corn — I'm as ignorant of what I am to do 
as a porker in a Yiddish meat shop. 

Lee {earnestly). Let me help you, Nellie. You know 
you've got me hooked for fair. I — I, well, you know I 
always did like you — 



THE POLITICAL EDITOR 11 

Nellie (rising and slapping him on the back). Come, 
boy, don't drop your pennies in that slot. Why do you per- 
sist in buying me those candy hearts with doggerel printed 
in red letters. 

Lee (pouting). That's right, Nellie. Trip me up and 
scold me for falling down. But, Nell — 

Nellie (interrupting). Now go, boy. Beat it for the 
playground. Tell the bunch that a wise dame is here on 
the job to cop the human interest and gay Romeo stuff of 
politics ; and if they promise to help me pluck a few peaches 
for the first shipment, TU promise to keep their stockings 
darned during the deadlock. 

Lee (starting for L. U. E.). You're on, Nell. But see 
here — if I'm to stand sponser for you, you've got to prom- 
ise to dine with me just once. Is it a go? 

Nellie. I tore up my social calendar coming up on the 
limited. Cliff. Sorry, but — 

Lee (pleadingly) . Just once, Nell. 

Nellie (dramatically). No, Cliff; I will work with you, 
talk with you, walk and fake with you, but I shall not eat 
with you — yet. My boy, whenever I break bread with you, 
it will be at our engagement dinner. So beat it now to blow 
the blasts for the entrance of the little queen of politics. 
(She points to L. U. E.) 

Lee (going to L. U. E., sighingly). All right, Nell. I'm 
off in a bunch. Sorry about the dinner, for I happen to 
know where I could manage to borrow the money today. 
So long, and stay on this side of the wall paper until you 
hear from me. (Exit, L. U. E.) 

Nellie (sighingly, as she sorts over papers on table, L. 
C). Not a bad fellow at all; but I must not take off my 
gloves and let him see my hand. Keep them guessing un- 
til the showdown; that's one of the rules of Hoyle one 
shouldn't forget, either in the game of love or politics. I'll 
have to steer clear of the newspaper bunch during the re- 
cesses or they'll have me eating cheese sandwiches with 
them off the crescent counters in the basement. I guess it's 
me to the Young Women's Christian Association, where they 
have grace instead of cocktails before meals. Only four 



12 THE POLITICAL EDITOR 

months on the Gay Easiest Way and I've got the lingo down 
as fine as a sailor's parrot. Guess I'll start along now. 
(Picks lip traveling bag and starts for C. D. in F.) 

Enter Jerry, C. D. in F. He is slightly intoxicated and 
staggers against Nellie as he comes down C. He sputters 
out an apology and stands hat in hand, R. C, Nellie 
standing R. C, looking at him calmly as she adjusts her 
clothing. 

Jerry (bowing). Beg your pardon, but you ought to 
have blown your horn going around this curve. 

Nellie (coldly). If I was lit up like you are, you prob- 
ably would have seen me. 

Jerry. That's pretty good, even if you are a steno- 
grapher. 

Nellie (surprised and indignant). Well, I like your 
nerve ! I a stenographer ! 

Jerry (tipsily). That's just what I said — sten — stenog- 
rapher. Just the person I want to see. Will you take some 
dictation from me? 

Nellie. No, I don't take dictation from anyone. I'm an 
orphan and I've got money to burn. (Starts for C. D. 
in F.) 

Jerry. You ain't goin' to leave, are you? You're a 
mighty clever girl, you are. If you're lobbying for any bill 
short of absolute prohibition, just write it dow-n on my 
cuff, and I'll see it goes through if I have to stick my fist 
through the panel of a door — 

Nellie (pauses an instant, then comes doivn C. to Jerry, 
inspired by a nezv thought). Say, are you a politician — a 
regular dyed-in-the-wool politician of the Tammany brand? 

Jerry (laughingly) . Nope, only a sort of irregular one, 
but the best of the brand you ever saw. Excuse me if I 
look a little off color tonight. 

Nellie (laughingly) . Been cutting into the grape a little, 
I see. Well, even politicians have their faults. 

Jerry. Well, I'm with you on that. Say, what's your 
name ? 

Nellie. I'll give you that later. What's doing in the 
matter of the deadlock? 



THE POLITICAL EDITOR 13 

Jerry (suspiciously). You ain't one of them newspaper 
women, are you? 

Nellie (looking him squarely in the eye). And if I were? 

Jerry (after a pause). Fd put you wise to something 
real big. 

Nellie (looking about). Do you mean it, Billy? 

Jerry. You've got the name wrong. I'm Jerry Sampson 
from Jacksontown. 

Nellie. Well, Jerry Sampson from Jacksontown, I want 
you to tell me about the deadlock. 

Jerry. What sheet are you with? 

Nellie (in a whisper). The Record. 

Jerry. Good ! The Record saved my bacon once. Now 
listen to me. I'll put you wise to one of the biggest things 
that has been pulled off around here this session. 

Nellie (excitedly). You mean it, Jerry Sampson? Do 
you? 

Jerry. Sure I do. I can see you're above the average 
girl, and as I owe the Record something for a good turn 
they did me once, I'll even up scores by telling you some- 
thing. 

Nellie (eagerly). What can it be? 

Jerry (in a zvhisper). The* name of the next United 
States Senator just agreed upon in the caucus. 

Nellie (staggers in excitement). Good Lord ! Who is it? 

Jerry. I'll make you a proposition. If I give you the 
details of the deal, will you let me do the honors at a big 
feed? 

Nellie (aside, turning R. C). I must humor this man, 
for it's part of the game. (Turns to Jerry laughingly.) 
Will I? Take right hold of my flipper, so you won't loose 
me in the crowd. Your bet is covered, Jerry. 

Jerry (taking her hand zvarmly). And the book is closed. 

Nellie (withdrazving her hand). Now for the story, 
Jerry. 

Jerry. But won't vou sit down? (He points to seat at 
table, R. C.) 

Nellie. I don't mind. (Sits at table, R. C.) 

Jerry (sitting on edge of table, R., facing Nellie). I 



14 THE POLITICAL EDITOR 

haint got much education, so I'll tell you plainly what hap- 
pened and leave the polishing off to you. 

Nellie (sharpening her pencil). Leave that to me. I've 
polished most everything in my time except shoes. 

Jerry. That's good. Well, now you see, Jim Carper, 
he's the boss of the Sixtieth Congressional District. 

Nellie {writing notes on paper pad). Yes; Jim bosses 
even his wife, they tell me. 

Jerry {surprised). HuUy gee! I didn't know he had a 
wife. But that don't matter. You see, Jim came to the 
Blakemore men and wanted to throw the district to us pro- 
vided we let him name the next United States Attorney. 
We figured out that he was trying to hog us, and that we 
didn't need his support, so we threw him down. 

Nellie {horrified). You mean you knocked him down? 

Jerry {laughingly). Not just that, but the effect was 
the same for the time "being. The Norman bunch turned 
him down, too, but he flopped over to them just the same. 
{Pauses as he watches her.) 

Nellie {looking up). Don't mind me. I'm not missing 
a word. 

Jerry. Excuse me. This afternoon we decided to give 
Carper the District Attorney, provided he would swing the 
thirteen votes he carries in his match case to us, and he just 
notified our chairman that he agreed, and — and — 

Nellie {feverishly, as she looks about). Yes, yes — 

Jerry. Blakemore will be the next United States Senator. 
- Nellie {gaspingly). You mean it? 

Jerry. It's sure as death and taxes. 

Nellie {as she writes). And your promise to Carper to 
give him the District Attorney? 

Jerry {laughingly) . That's bunk — only a promise which 
doesn't amount to that. {Snaps his finger.) 

Nellie. Gee! But this game of politics is interesting. 
Everybody gives his solemn promise and then everybody 
shakes everybody down just for the fun of the thing. Now 
when is this vote for Blakemore to be pulled off? 

Jerry {looking at watch). They're gathering in Maho- 



THE POLITICAL EDITOR 15 

ney's saloon now. Sorry, but I must go now. Don't let 
those other newspaper guys in on your story. 

Nellie (rising). Leave that to me, Jerry. 

Jerry (enthusiastically) . And when it's all over you and 
me will be eating the fat of the land, while those paper col- 
lar boys in the press gallery are doing the death Vv atch and 
get in just in time to be too late. You've got 'em beat to a 
custard. Bye, bye. Meet you here in half an hour. (Exit, 
C. D. in F.) 

Nellie (placing notes in her traveling bag). Perhaps so, 
Jerry, but I wouldn't be so sure about it if I were you. I'll 
get this stuff onto the wire as soon as possible. It's the 
biggest beat of the year, and it will force the bunch to take 
off their hats to me. If I'm not a scream here from now on, 
I'll marry Cliff Lee and quit the game forever. (Exit, C. 
D in F.) 

Enter Lee hurriedly, L. U. E., followed a moment later 
by Hastings. Lee looks around, then -turns to Hastings 
with an apologetic air. 

Lee (at R. C, looking around). Hello! She's not here! 

Hastings (sitting at table, R. C). She? What she? 

Lee. The political editor of the Record. 

Hastings (zvorking). She is the least of my troubles, 
Lee. What I want to know is, who is going to be the next 
United States Senator. I sav^ Jerry Sampson in the corri- 
dor awhile ago. Get after him, Lee, and see if he can throw 
any light on the situation. 

Lee (annoyed). What's the use? The whole bunch is 
sworn to secrecy. Besides, Carper won't give up unless he 
gets the District Attorney. 

Hastings. I quite agree with you, Lee. But we musn't 
take any chances with this v/oman reporter on the job. 
I've known them to do remarkable reportorial stunts before 
now. So hurry, my boy, and have it out with Jerry. 

Lee (going to L. U. E.). I'm wasting my time, but I'll 
do my best. (Exit, L. U. E.) 

Hastings (writing at table). Lil get out my dispatch 
with lead to come. (Sighs.) Ah, if I could score a beat 



16 THE POLITICAL EDITOR 

tonight, how happy the httle kiddies would be. (Works 
rapidly.) 

Enter Nellie, C. D. in F. She starts down C. briskly, 
but on seeing Hastings at desk, R. C, she pauses as if un- 
decided. 

Nellie {aside, as she looks at Hastings). Hello! Who's 
this? {She coughs, but Hastings^ whose face is averted 
from Nellie^ does not apparently hear her. She approaches 
table and coughs again.) 

Hastings (looking up). Pardon me, did you address me? 

Nellie (starting back in surprise). Bob Hastings! 

Hastings (rising in amazement) . You, Nellie! 

Nellie (backing to C, her eyes fastened upon him). 
Well, you're the last person in the world I expected to meet 
in this place. 

Hastings (going to her and taking both her hands). It 
does me good to see you after all these years, Nellie. 

Nellie (sighingly) . Same here. Bob. What are you do- 
ing here? 

Hastings. Politics. And you? 

Nellie (laughingly). Politicians. 

Hastings. Working, Nelli^? 

Nellie. No, it's mere child's play. I'm in the newspaper 
game for good now. 

Hastings (after a pause). Oh, I see. You're the political 
editor of the Record the boys, and particularly Cliff Lee, 
are talking about. 

Nellie. You can't stop some people's tongues, you know, 
Bob. 

Hastings (leading Nellie to chair, R. C). It does me 
a world of good to see you, Nellie. Sit down and tell me 
all about yourself. 

Nellie (sitting at table, R. C). Oh, Bob, I have so 
much to tell you. There were days when the clouds dark- 
ened my life to the point of madness, but now the sun is 
shining so strongly in m.y eyes that I can't see anything but 
rainbows. (She weeps softly, her hands covering her face.) 

Hastings (standing beside her, his right hand resting 
upon her shoulder caressingly). Poor girl! 



THE POLITICAL EDITOR 17 

Nellie {looking up, lively). Now tell me all about your- 
self, Bob. What are you doing up here? 

Hastings. I'm here for the News and trying to score a 
beat on this senatorial fight. Just think of it, Nellie ; we're 
trying to cut each other's throats, professionally, of course. 

Nellie. Let us speak of other things, Bob. Have you 
forgotten the old days in Iowa? Ah, how my mind lingers 
upon those days five years ago when — when — {she pauses 
in confusion, then changes the subject). But you haven't 
changed much in five years, Bob. 

Hastings. No, not a great deal ; but the lines of care are 
creeping into my face. You can't stay the inexorable ad- 
vance of age, Nellie. 

Nellie {sadly). No, no! Age be hanged! When the 
heart is youthful and the soul filled with the ambitions and 
longings of youth, there is no such thing as old age ! 

Hastings {sighingly). Yes, those were happy days 
when we looked forward to — to our marriage. But I was 
foolish, while you — (hesitates). 

Nellie {after a pause). While I was foolishly ambitious, 
you mean, Bob? True, I cut ofi: my nose to spite my face, 
and here I am, just a plain newspaper woman, destined, per- 
haps, to die of the infirmities of ancient maidenhood. 

Hastings {laughingly). Let us hope it won't come to 
that, Nellie. You are still as youthful and charming as ever. 
(Goes to table, L. C, sits and writes.) 

Nellie {gratified). Do you really think so. Bob? 

Hastings. Yes. 

Nellie {aside, as she rises and slozvly crosses to L. C). 
I wonder if there's any hope for me ? Will he ask me to be 
his wife? 

Hastings {as he zvorks). Have you any dope on the 
senatorial fight, Nellie? 

Nellie {atC). And if I had you and the rest scooped 
to a fare you well, what then, Bob ? 

Hastings {laughingly) . If you were to beat me on the 
result of the deadlock,.Nellie, my resignation would be de- 
manded. 

Nellie {agitated). And then — ? 



18 THE POLITICAL EDITOR 

Hastings. I'd be barred out of every editorial room in 
New York. 

Nellie (starts). Wouldn't that be dreadful, Bob? (She 
takes up traveling hag and takes out some sheets of copy- 
aside.) If I give him my exclusive story I'll be ruined my- 
self. What shall I do? {Goes to Hastings, L. C, and zvhis- 
pers, holding notes in her hand behind her,) Perhaps I may 
be able to help you. Who knows? 

Hastings {looking up and taking her hand). Do you 
think so, Nellie? {Telephone hell rings sharply.) 

Nellie {earnestly) . Every throne that ever tottered and 
fell was dragged down by a woman. {Telephone hell rings 
again.) Forget it, you, at the other end of the wire. {To 
Hastings.) I'm on the bill for something spectacular, I sup- 
pose. Beating a bet with a tip-off. Gee ! But that's roman- 
tic ! {Telephone rings continuously. Nellie goes up stage 
in a temper.) Wouldn't that bell jar you? 

Hastings {laughingly) . Some politician anxious to get 
publicity. 

Nellie {at phone, L. of C. D. in F.). Hello ! You must be 
a professional bell ringer. What's that ? A woman's voice ! 
You want to talk to Bob Hastings, you say? 

Hastings {as he works). Ask who it is, Nellie? 

Nellie {at phone). Yes, Mr. Hastings is here. Who 
shall I say wants to talk to him. {She listens intently for a 
moment, then drops the receiver with a hang ' and starts 
hack.) Mrs. Hastings! {To Hastings, tremulously.) 
Who is this woman, Bob ? Speak ! 

Hastings {rising and standing C). My wife! 

Nellie {staggering down R. C, leaning upon end of 
tahle). Your wife! You say your wife! 

Hastings (pleadingly). You did not, could not know, 
Nellie— 

Nellie (interrupting, in agony). You married! And I 
had hoped — hoped! Ah, my heart will break! (She falls 
over on tahle sohhing.) 

Hastings (leaning over her). Ah, Nellie, if you but 
knew her and our two kids, boys, bright, chubby little chaps. 
They are all the world to me, Nellie. It is for them I am 



THE POLITICAL EDITOR 19 

working — do you understand, for my wife and kiddies, for 
whom 1 would sell my soul ! 

Nellie (recovering herself with an effort). And you 
wouldn't believe in me, Bob. All I needed five years ago was 
a restraining hand. How different things would be now 
had you called me back the day I said farewell. (Sighs.) 
Ah, you men don't know any more about a woman's heart 
than a Bowery tramp does about Hebrew, (Collects her 
belongings with a businesslike air.) It's all over now and 
I'm off. 

Hastings (anxiously). What do you intend to do, Nellie? 

Nellie (going to him at C, holding her notes behind 
her). Do, Bob? Your wife and kiddies force me to do the 
sacrifice stunt myself. (Gives him her notes.) There you 
are. Bob. 

Hastings (surprised, as he takes notes). What is this? 

Nellie. The beat you're looking for — the exclusive story 
of the selection of Blakemore for Senator. 

Hastings (amazed). And you do this for me, Nellie, 
after what has happened? 

Nellie (laughingly). No, I do it for your wife and 
kiddies. 

Hastings (taking her hand). You're a jewel, Nellie. 

Nellie. May be so, Bob, but one side of the gem is 
frosted now. 

Enter Lee, C. D. in F., hurriedly. 

Lee (as he comes down C, to Hastings). Jerry won't 
cough up anything. Bob. (Sees Nellie — to Nellie, L. C). 
Hello, Nell ! Going to do the caucus tonight ? 

Nellie. No. (She takes his arm.) I'm going to dine 
with you. 

Lee (joyously, to Hastings). I knew she would say it 
sometime, Bob. 

Hastings (sighingly) . You're lucky, Lee. 

Nellie (sighingly). Remember me to the kiddies. Bob. 
Goodby. (Exeunt with Lee, C. D. in F. Hastings stands 
C, looking at the notes in his hand until — ) 

CURTAIN. 



DENI'SON'S ."1 , 
VAUDEVILLE 






Denison^s 
Vaudeville Sketches 

Price, 15 Cents Each, Postpaid. 

Nearly all of these sketcnes were written for profes^ 
svonals and have been given with great success oy vaude" 
ville artists of note. They are essentially dramatic and 
ve'-y funny; up-to-date comedy. They are not recom- 
mended for church entertainments; however, they con* 
tain nothing that will offend, and are all within the 
range of amateurs. 

DOINGS OF A DUDE.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 2 m., 1 f. 
Time 20 m. Scene: Simple interior. Maizy Von Billion of athletic tenden- 
cies is expecting a boxing instructor and has procured Bloody Mike, a prize 
fighter, to '• try him out." Percy Montmorency, her sister's ping pong teacher, 
is mistaken for the boxing instructor and has a "trying out" that is a sur- 
prise. A whirlwind of fun and action. 

FRBSH TIMOTHY HAY.— Vaudeville eketch, by Harry L. Newton; 2 m., 
1 f. Time 20 m. Scene: Simple rural exterior. By terms of a will, Eose 
Lark must mfirry Reed Bird or forfeit a legacy. Rose and Reed have never 
met and when he arrives Timothy Hay, a fresh farm hand, mistakes him fer 
Pink Eye Pete, a notorious thief. Ludicrous lines and rapid action. 

QLICKMAN, THE GLAZIER.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton 
and A. S. Hoffman; 1 m., 1 f. Time 25 m. Scene: Simple interior. Char- 
lotte Russe, an actress, is scored by a dramatic paper. With "blood in her eye" 
she seeks the critic at the office, finds no one in and smashes a window. Jacob 
Glickman, a Hebrew glazier, rushes in and is mistaken for the critic. Fun, 
jokes, gags and action follow with lightning rapidity. A great Jew part. 

THE GODDESS OF LOVE.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m.. 
If. Time 15 m. Scene: Simple exterior. Aphrodite, a Greek goddess, is a 
statue in the park. According to tradition a gold ring placed upon her finger 
will bring her to life. Knott Jones, a tramp, who had slept in the park ali 
night, brings her to life. A rare combination of the beautiful and the best of 
comedy. Novel, easy to produce and a great hi*,. 

HEY, RUBE!— Monologue, by Harry L. Newton ; 1 m. Time 15 m. Reuben 
Spinach from Yapton visits Chicago for the first time. The way ne tells of 
the sights and what befell him would make a sphinx laugh. 

BS IT RAINING?— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m., 1 f. 
Time 10 m. Otto Swimorebeer, a German, Susan Fairweather, a friend of 
his. This act runs riot with fun, gags, absurdities and comical lines. 

MARRIAGE AND AFTER.— Monologue, by Harry L. Newton and A. S. 
Hoffman; 1 m. Time about 10 m. A laugh every two seconds on a subject 
which appeals to all. Full of local hits. 

ME AND MY DOWN TRODDEN SEX.— Old maid monologue, by Harry L. 
Newton; 1 f. Time 5 m. Polly has lived long enough to gather a few facts 
about men, which are told in the most laughable manner imaginable. 

AN OYSTER S'^EW.— A rapid-fire talking act, by Harry L. Newton and 
A. S. Hoffman; 2 m. Time 10 m. Dick Tell, a knowing chap. Tom Askit, 
not so wise. This act is filled to overflowing with lightning cross-fires, 
pointed puns and hot retorts. 

PICKLES FOR TWO.— Dutch rapid-fire talking act, by Harry L. Newton 
and A. S. Hoffman; 2 m. Time 15 m. Hans, a German mixer. Gus, another 
one. Unique ludicrous Dutch dialect, interspersed with rib-starting witti- 
cisms. The style of act made famous by Weber and Field. 

THE TROUBLES OF ROZINSKL— Jew monologue, by Harry L. Newton 
and A. S. Hoffman; 1 m. Time 15 m. Rozlnski, a buttonhole-maker, i? 
forced to join the union and go on a " strike." He has troubles every minute 
that will tickle the ribs of both Labor and Capital. 

WORDS TO THE WISE.— Monologue, by Harry L. Newton: 1 m. Time 
about 15 m. A typical vaudeville talking act, which is fat with funny lit^efi 
and rich rare hits that will be remembered and laughed over for weeu-s. 

T. S. DENISON a COMPANY. 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. 

Price 13 Cents Each. Postpaid. Unless Different Price is Givei 



M. F. 

Documentary Evidence, 25 min. 1 1 

Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min.... 4 2 

Family Strike, 20 min 3 3 

First-Class Hotel, 20 min 4 

For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 2 1 

Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 
Fun in a Photograph Gallery, 

30 min 6 10 

Great Doughnut Corporation, 

30 min 3 5 

Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 
<^reat Pumpkin Case, 30 min... 12 

Hans Von Smash, 30 min 4 3 

Happy Pair, 25 min 1 1 

I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 min. 3 2 
Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 

Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 

Is the Editor In? 20 min 4 2 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min.... 5 1 

Men Not Wanted, 30 min 8 

Mike Donovan's Courtship, 15 m. 1 3 

Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 

Mrs. Carver's Fancy Ball, 40 m. 4 3 
Mrs. Stubbing' Book Agent, 30 

min. ' 3 2 

My Lord in Livery, 1 hr 4 3 

My Neighbor's Wife, 45 min... 3 3 

My Turn Next, 45 min 4 3 

My Wife's Relations, 1 hr 4 6 

Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 

Obstinate Family, 40 min 3 3 

Only Cold Tea, 20 min 3 3 

Outwitting the Colonel, 25 min. 3 2 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 1 1 

Patsy O'Wang, 35 min 4 3 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min... 6 2 

Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min.. 6 3 

Regular Fix, 35 min 6 4 

Rough Diamond, 40 min 4 3 

Second Childhood, 15 min 2 2 

Slasher and Crasher, 50 min,., 5 2 

Taking Father's Place, 30 min.. 5 3 

Taming a Tiger, 30 min 3 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min 3 2 

Those Red Envelopes, 25 min. 4 4 
Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min 3 6 

Treasure from Egypt, 45 min. 4 1 

Turn Him Oat, 35 min 3 2 

Two Aunts and a Photo, 20 m.. 4 

Two Bonnycastles, 45 min 3 3 

Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 2 

Two Ghosts in White, 20 min . . 8 

Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 

Uncle Dick's Mistake, 20 min.. 3 2 

Wanted a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 

Wanted a Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Which Will He Marry? 20 min. 2 8 

Who Is Who? 40 min 3 2 

Wide Enough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 

Wrong Baby, 25 min 8 

Yankee Peddler, 1 hr 7 3 



VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES, IV.ON- 
OLOGUES, ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. 

M. F.- 

Ax'in' Her Father, 25 min 2 3 

Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m.lO 
Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. . 1 1 

Cold Finish, 15 min .2 1 

Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min.. 1 1 
Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m. 14 

Counterfeit Bills, 20 min 1 1 

Doings of a Dude, 20 min 2 1 

Dutch Cocktail, 20 min 2 

Five Minutes from Yell College, 

15 min. . . 2 

For Reform, 20 min 4 

Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min... 2 1 
Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min.. 1 1 
Handy Andy (Negro), 12 min., 2 

Her Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Hey, Rube! 15 min 1 

Home Run, 15 min 1 1' 

Hot Air, 25 min .2 1 

Jumbo Jum, 30 min 4 3 

Little Red School House.> 20 m. 4 

Love and Lather, 35 min 3 2 

Marriage and After, 10 min,,. 1 
Mischievous Nigger, 25 min,,. 4 2 

Mistaken Miss, 20 min 1 1 

Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min 1 1 

Mr. Badger's Uppers, 40 min., 4 2 
One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 2 
Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min.. 4 

Oyster Stew, 10 min 2 

Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10 

min 1 

P-ickles for Two, 15 min 2 

Pooh ^ah of Peacetown, 35 min. 2 2 
Prof. Black's Funnygraph, 15 m. 6 

Recruiting Office, 15 min 2 

Sham Doctor, 10 min 4 2 

Si and I, 15 min 1 

Special Sale, 15 min 2 

Stage Struck Darky, 10 min... 2 1 
Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min... 1 

Time Table, 20 min 1 1 

Tramp and the Actress, 20 min. 1 1 
Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 
Troubles of Rozinski, IS min.. 1 
Two Jay Detectives, 15 min... 3 

Umbrella Mender, 15 min 2 

Uncle Bill at the Vaudeville, 15 

min 1 

Uncle Jeff, 25 min 5 2 

Who Gits de Reward? 30 min.. 5 1 



A dreat number of 

Standard and Amateur Plays 

not found here are listed In 

Denison's Catalo|{ue. 



T. S. DEMSON & COMPANY, 154 W. Bandolph St.. Chicago 



'JUL 8 



POPULAR ENTERTAINMENT BOOKS 

Price, Illustrated Paper Covers, 23 cents each 




¥N this Series 
are found 
books touching 
every feature 
in tlie enter- 
tainment field. 
Finely made, 
good paper, 
clear print and 
each book has 
an attractive 
individual cov- 
er design. 



DIALOGUES 

All Sorts of Dialoffues. 

Selected, fine for older pupils. 
Catchy Comic Dialogues. 

New, clever; for young people. 
Children's Comic Dialogues. 

From six to eleven years of age. 
Dialogues from Dickens. 

Thirteen selections. 
The Friday Afternoon Dialoitues. 

50.000 copies sold. 
From Tots to Teens. 

Dialogues and recitations. 
Lively Dialogues. 

For all ages; mostly humorous. 
When the Lessons are Over. 

Dialogues, drills, plays. 
Wide Awake Dialo^u^s. 

Brand new, original, successful. 

SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES 

Choice Pieces for Little People. 

A child's speaker. 

The Comic Entertainer. 
Recitations,monologues,dialogues. 

Dialect Readings. 

Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc. 

The Favorite Speaker. 

Choice prose and poetry. 

The Friday Afternoon Speaker. 
For pupils of all ages. 

Humorous Monologues. 
Particularly for ladies. 

Monoloiiues for Youn j Folks. 
Clever, humorous, original. 

The Patriotic Speaker. 

Master thou^ts of masterminds. 

The Poetical Entertainer. 
For reading or speaking. 

Pomes ov the Pecpul. 

Wit, humor, satire; funny poems. 

Scrao-Book Recitations. 

Choice collections, pathetic, hu- 
morous, descriptive, prose, poe- 
try. 14 Nos., per No. 25c. 



DRILLS 

The Best Drill Book. 

Very popular drills and marches. 
The Favorite Book of Drills. 

Drills that sparkle with originality. 
Little Plays With Drills. ^ 

For children from 6 to 11 years. 
The Surprise Drill Book. 

Fresh, novel, drills and marches. 

SPECIALTIES 

The Boys* Entertainer. 

Monologues, dialogues, drills. 
Children's Party Book. 

Plans, invitations, decorations, 

games. 
The Days We Celebrate. 

Entertainments for all the holidays. 
Good Things for Christmas. 

Recitations, dialogues, drills. 
The Little Folks, or Work and Play. 

A gem of a book. 
Little Folks' Budget. 

Easy pieces to speal^ songs. 
One Hundred Entertainments. 

New parlor diversions, socials. 
Patriotic Celebrations. 

Great variety of material. 
Pranks and Pastimes. 

Parlor games for children. 
Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 

Charades, and how to prepare. 
Tableaux and Scenic Readings. 

New and novel; for all ages. 
Twinkling Finiiers and Swaying 

Figures. For little tots. 
Yuletide Entertainments. 

A choice Christmas collection. 

HAND BOOKS 

The Debater's Handbook. 

Bound only in cloth, SOc. 
Everybody's Letter Writer. 

A handy manual. 
Good Manners. 

Etiquette in brief form. 
Private Theatricals. 
_ How to put on plays. 
Social Card Games. 

Complete in brief form. 

MINSTRELS, JOKES 

Black American Joker. 

Minstrels' and end men's gags. 
A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. 

Monologues, stump speeches,etc. 
Laudhland, via the Ha-Ha Route. 

A merry trip for fun tourists. 
Ne^ro Minstrels. 

All about the business. 
The New Jolly Jester. 

Funny stories, jokes, gags, e tc. 

Lariie Illustrated Cataloi{ue Free. 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY. Pablishers. 154 W. Randolph St.. Chicago 



